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Alright, so lemme explain - wait, there's too much - lemme sum up. Life, in the world of belledlr really, honestly, can not be busier or more involved as it has gotten right now. I work in a job that told me that I spend too much time on personal e-mails and the web and that any personal use of the computer was frowned upon. They also told me that the only way for me to get a pay increase (even a cost of living increase that I have not gotten in the past three years) was to be able to prove my worth to the company. So, it seems I have not yet proven my worth to this worthless company. What this also means is that my LJ usage has gone to almost zero because there is simply not enough hours in the evening to do everything I need to do after LBB goes to bed. This also means I am doing anything (legal and moral) I possibly can to get out of said worthless company, but having no luck. I had an interview at a major medical facility last week and just got the "Thanks but no thanks" letter today - my third such letter. I have no idea why I interview so poorly and it is really making me feel worthless and unwanted. I have, however, started in the Direct Sales world of lia sophia jewelry. My hope is to get this off the ground well enough that I can quit my worthless job and stay home with LBB. I would love more then anything to be able to be a stay At Home Mom, but our finances will just not allow it. I truly envy those who are in a better position to have the option to stay home, but I truly value the roof over my head and the electricity my paycheck pays for even more. I am hoping that lia sophia pans out well so I can have the best of both worlds. I also have received an extension on my Master's Program and a new adviser whose expertise is Medieval/Renaissance history. I didn't even have to fire the old adviser which totally made my life easier. He took a look at what I had written and said that while I had a TON of work ahead of me, it was salvageable and he was willing to work with me. It was extremely disheartening to hear that the work I was told was finished and polished was, in fact, not. However, New Guy gave me more constructive and useful information in one e-mail then the last guy ever gave me in our working relationship. So, I am going to finish my thesis, it is going to be good, and I am going to be proud of something that has been a major aspect of my life. What this also means is many more late nights and many more "no"s to things I would like to do. Then there is my SCA life. I have taken on a lot - and I mean a lot and I have to start saying "no" more now that one more thing has worked its way into the cogs of my life. I just finished pitching in with 4 local events in 6 months, I am running a demo this coming Saturday, I am involved in another event at the end of the month (that I am really looking forward to) and I am co-autocrat for an event the middle of October. This last event is very close to my heart and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to see it come off the ground and become a reality. What this also means, however, is more time, more deadlines, and the ability to commit fully and give everything the attention it deserves while keeping everything else in my life afloat and balanced. Then there are the other random comittments. You know, family, my husband and son, friends, people in need, bills and such. There is a lot to keep up in the air. I am doing my best, but some things just need to take a back seat - like LJ. It's tough though, because I feel I miss a lot in what is going on in everyone's lives. It seems people communicate better in blog world and it is easier to tell people what is going on this way then in other ways such as phone calls or personal mail. I'm almost at the end of my rope, but I know I need to keep things together. I ended up taking a day off of work today because I was so exhausted I ended up with a migrane that forced me to sleep until 2:00 this afternoon. Expect me to say "no" more, to not be as social, to get to things only when I can on my schedule and not on someone else's. I will try my best to get to everyone and everything, but I hope everyone out there understands just how much I have on my plate right now and just how stressed out I am starting at my crappy job and ending with my desire to fulfil my comittments to the best of my ability. I just wish that I was more hirable then I apparently am. I think a lot of my stress would go away with a new job in a new environment with better pay and better benifits. I am going to need to pay for (hopefully) a second child, eventually, and I want to know that I can and that a second child will not mean losing the house or not paying the utilities.
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This weekend was our two March of Dimes, March for Babies walks. The one in our home town sucked hugely due to really bad, gusty, cold, sleety weather, but we did all six miles and are forever bonded with our teammates. Sunday's was MUCH better, yet still a little cold and chilly. However, as my mom so aptly put it "it's nothing compared to what a struggling baby goes through just to live." With help from some fabulous people, I was able to raise $385 for my hometown talk and $185 for the walk Sunday. I am so happy and so proud of this accomplishment! Thank you to those who sponsored me and/or my teams!
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Just had a conversation with Mom. She knows the head of the new Medieval Woman's Study program at the university I went to obtain my Masters...and never did. There is a chance, though a small one, that I might be able to transfer over to the Women's Studies Dept and finish my studies there while keeping the credits I took with the History Dept. Also, I have until Sept of this year to finish my thesis...not last Sept as I thought. Please don't quote me, but I actually think I see a light at the end of this dark and dreary tunnel...
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This is just a friendly reminder to those who might be interested in donating to my March of Dimes walks next weekend. I am about 1/2 way to my goals for both the local walk on Saturday and the second walk in the State capital Sunday. If you wanted to donate (hint, hint) there is still time! You can review my webpages at http://www.marchforbabies.org/belledlr and http://www.marchforbabies.org/belledlr2 and can donate online. It is a secure site and any little bit helps from $1 to $1,000. Did I mention at all that they take international donations? I really do appreciate the support I have received so far and hope that I am able to make my two goals for this very worthy cause! Thank you for your support!!
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Here is the scenario. Almost 8 years ago I married the most wonderful man in the world. However, I did not take his last name for several reasons of which I don't wish to delve into. I have since changed my mind on the subject and sent in the paperwork and the $255 filing fee (really, why does it take $255 to file a piece of paper? I really feel underpaid now!) to get this done. Because I did not do this almost 8 years ago, it is now going to take being in front of a judge and having two witnesses testify to my identity before (s)he can grant my request. My college roommate is getting married this summer in PA and I want to be able to book my flight and get everything set for the occasion. The problem? What name do I book the ticket under? I have not gotten my court date to appear before the judge and I don't know when (or if) my name can be changed. Does anyone have the answer as to which name I should book my flight? CAN I book my flight? I attempted to look online to find an answer (even going to the TSA site) but I can not find a single thing that tells me what the proper procedure is. I can not be the only person in the world with this predicament. Do I trust that everything goes well and book the flight with my new last name? Do I keep my current last name and bring paperwork in the event that it does change? Can anyone here tell me what I can do to insure that I can 1) get on the flight and 2) not get cavity searched by a large, ugly, woman with big hands? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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Self, do not try to drink your bosses under the table. It won't work. They have more experience and can hold their liquor better then you can. Your direct supervisor is from Germany for crying out loud and the president of your company is an Iowa Farmboy. Of COURSE they can hold their liquor better then you can! On top of that, you HAVE to come into work the next day no matter what. They knew what you were doing the night before. You can't say you're sick, you can't say you need to stay home for LBB, you can't say that your car broke down - they know better. So, you get your butt up, get to work, and try to work through the stomach rebelling against you. In November, some of us from the office went to the annual March of Dimes Chef's Auction in town. They have a silent and live auction for various things including meals at different places. Our office won an 8 course Hawaiian Luau at a specialty restaurant in town for 8 people. So, the eight people who went to the event were the 8 who were lucky enough to eat some fabulous food and drink....some. However, they would not let us do it on a Friday or Saturday evening so we had to do it on a Thursday. BAD IDEA. I have never laughed so hard in my life and it was an awsome experience, but I should know better then to drink the amount I did and to mix Champaigne with wine. BAD BELLEDLR! I'll live, but it was totally worth it!
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Today is a bad day for me. I believe we have all established this. I had to reschedule my bi-yearly dental appointment for today because there was a scheduling conflict at work for my original appointment and it was either today or the end of March. Ok. Let's go to the dentist. Why the heck not. I get there and the hygenist asks me how I am today. I don't want to tell her how I really feel so I say "Oh, I'm ok today." She says, "Really, just ok?" Ok, I think to myself, how do I say this politely? "Today is the anniversary of my dad's death." "How long ago did he die?" "Two years ago today." I reply. "Oh! My dad died two weeks ago." Lovely. Guess what we talked about for the entire cleaning? An hour long, one sided, conversation with a complete stranger about the grief experienced when a father passes away. At least she didn't ask me how he died. Although I think that would have shut her up for good once she found out.
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Mom and I were planning on doing something relaxing and fun this weekend to get our minds off the fact that Dad's deathdate is tomorrow. Mom just told me that her roommate is having some health problems and since we are her only "family" that actually cares about her and want to see her healthy and happy, Mom did not want to leave her for a full weekend. I can't justify that either so our weekend has been canceled. Poop.
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I love sending flowers to Mr. B for V-day. It's smack dab in the middle of busy season and I don't really see him until about 9:00pm so doing something for him at his workplace makes me feel good inside. So, I found a good deal at an online flower place and ordered the flowers to be delivered today. Imagine my surprise when I got the exact same arrangement of flowers from Mr B. from the exact same place I ordered his from! I got mine first and called him to thank him, trying desperately not to die of laughter. Ten minutes later I got a call from him, giggling, saying "great minds think alike, don't they!?" Tonight I have a hot date with a younger man. He has beautiful brown eyes, a great smile, and the biggest dimples you've ever seen! He doesn't say a lot, but he shows his love for me in other ways. Mr B. really can't be jealous because he knows he can't compete with this guy! Happy Valentine's everyone and happy 1/2 anniversary
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I am a huge supporter of the March of Dimes. I have been for quite some time because I would not be alive today had it not been for the MoD. When I was born 30 years ago, I came out purple and not breathing, due to the cord wrapped around my neck. I was born at an Air Force Base Hospital with no NICU so, after they were able to get me to start breathing, I was sent to the hospital at the State capital that had just opened their NICU. My mon was only allowed 30 seconds to see what I looked like before they took me away. Their NICU was completely designed by the March of Dimes to ensure the best equipment would be in place for the babies born prematurely. Had this hospital not had one, I would have gone to a different hopspital out of state without my parents and may not have made it by the time I got there. I had fluid in my lungs so I was placed in an incubator for a week. It was four days before my mother was allowed to hold me. I owe my life to the March of Dimes and try to repay the debt as often as I can. So...I signed up to be the captain of a team of walkers for the annual walk in my town http://www.marchforbabies.org/496900 and have signed up to be a team member for a team walking in our State capital http://www.marchforbabies.org/497177 the next day. The team in the cities is being led by my dear, dear friend momotheeviltwin. Her beautiful little girls were born extremely prematurely, however, they are both alive and doing well and will be two in June. They are such blessings and anyone who sees them instantly falls in love with them. So, here is what you can do. Please go to one of these sites and make a donation. Either way, the MoD will get funding to help prevent prematurity and birth defects and will continue to help hospitals establish NICUs and ensure a better infant survival rate. My little man was fortunate enough to not be in the NICU, but I know, or heard of, enough people who have had their little ones stay there for months and heard the stories of not knowing if their child was going to be alive the next day or not. Every little bit counts to please take a moment to go and donate what you can. Thank you, in advance, for your support of such a great cause!
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I feel the need to preface this post with an explaination of who I am and who I was growing up. ( Cut for length )
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There is some confusion (understandably) as to whether today's birthday post was from me or from LBB's perspective. My mom, C.'s, birthday is today. Mine, belledlr, is tomorrow. The big 30. My poor mom was in labor on her 21st birthday. I still feel bad about it! The only B-Day icon I have is the one of LBB with cake all over his face. This is most likely where the confusion comes from. My mother's birthday today, LBB's mother's birthday tomorrow! thebronwen's birthday was yesterday so make sure to go to her LJ and wish her a happy belated. My mom's roommate celebrates her birthday on the 28th So many birthdays in one month! Wonder what was going on 40 weeks prior to that?!
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It is my Mom's birthday today. I found out this morning she was born the same day Wham-o came out with the frizbee. How cool is that?? She also shares a birthday with Richard Dean Anderson of "McGiver" and "Stargate-SG1" fame. Happy Birthday, Mommy!
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Today would have been my father's 52nd birthday. Interestingly enough I am not feeling as bad about this as I thought I would have. I'm actually doing pretty well today. However, this does not mean that I don't feel a sense of loss or a tad bit sad. I miss him. Correction, I miss my real dad, not the guy I had to deal with after I got married. There have been so many times I wanted to call him and tell him about a new movie I saw, or the new music I heard. I miss being able to share my life with him. Most importantly I really wish he were here to see his Grandson. That, I think, is what angers me the most, that he is missing out on something so important and so cool. I am actually glad LBB will never have to worry if his Grandfather is drunk or not and I am certainly glad I don't have to worry if I am placing my son in the hands of a drunk who is really unable to be careful around him, but it angers me that he chose to take himself out of this world right before we found out about LBB. I've visited him since his internment and we had one of the best heart to heart's I think we ever had. Of course I attribute that to the fact I was finally able to be completely honest with him and he was unable to argue with me or cut me off or say something mean and hurtful. I love you Dad. Thank you for what you gave me. I really do hope you are now at peace. Happy Birthday.
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Just got the statement from the Ped's office and the ER regarding LBB's hand. So far we are at $1,000 and that does not include the Urgent Care visit nor the Follow-up for last week. Gotta love those High Deductable "Health Insurance" plans! His hand is actually doing really well. It is more pink then red and it seems to be healing. We see the Ped's office again tomorrow, but I really think we are in the home stretch. He doesn't even remember it and doesn't care if it is on or off. *I* care though.
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2008 can just shove it or restart with something a bit more positive. Let's have a recap of the year so far: - Jan 2 - 1:30am - friend calls from overseas to tell me that her boyfriend of 6 months dumped her by dropping her off at the airport (after spending a week with him) and then never coming in to say good-bye. To the D**k who did that, you had better hope I never find you. First of all, you don't do that to someone - EVER. Secondly, when you treat my friend like that, *I* am the one who has to sit on my bathroom floor at 1:30 in the friggen morning talking her through it in my underware and *I* am the one who has to try to get my son to sleep again because the phone call woke him up. Boy, you better watch your friggen back becaue I am gunning for you! - Jan 2 - 3:30pm - Have to pick LBB up from daycare because his eyes are red and have discharge in them. Could be Pink Eye AGAIN so we head to Urgent care. Because of the new year, our High Deductable has rolled back to $0 and we will have to pay for this out of pocket. They tell me it is not Bacterial Conjunctivitis but Viral due to a cold blocking his sinuses and forcing the goob to come out his tear ducts. That will be $100 please. - Jan 3 - 12:00pm - Deciding to stay home with LBB (and using a day of PTO I wasn't planning on using) we begin to play downstairs. It's cold so I turn our gas fireplace on. Before I can stop him, LBB crawls up to the fireplace and puts his right hand on the hot glass resulting in him screaming and me crying and saying "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..." over and over for the better part of the day. Mr. B. comes home for lunch and is rewarded for doing this by taking a trip to the Ped's office. LBB suffers 2nd degree burns on the entire surface of his right hand and Mom needs a Valium to make it the rest of the day. Ped's office nearly gives it to her because she looks like she is going to lose it any second. That will be $100 please for the visit. - Jan 4 - 9:30am - Huge blister on LBB's hand bursts leaving him screaming while Mom is in the shower. She rushes out, naked and dripping wet, to find him in his crib screaming and promptly calls Mr. B. He comes home and we take a trip to the ER where they cut the skin away from LBB's hand and bandage it up. Mom is still asking for that Valium but ER personel think she's kidding. Nope, not really, but leave the hospital with another bill to pay out of pocket and a kid who looks like we amputated his fingers. At least his thumb is free... - Jan 5-6 - Mom is feeling a little queasy and crampy. Thinks it is just stress. ENTIRE CONTENTS OF STOMACH come out one way or another. She really wants to die, but for some sadistic reason she lives in a state of misery. Meanwhile, it is necessary for Mom and Dad to change LBB's dressing twice a day and stand by helplessly while he whimpers in pain and discomfort. - Jan 7 - Still can't keep anything in me. If it is not coming out one way, it's coming out the other. Call in sick to work and take a 3rd day of PTO that I wasn't planning on. So much for taking my birthday off of work. - Jan 8 - 10:00am - Get a lecture from my mother on not being petty and jealous about a situation I was not being petty or jealous about. Not really appreciating the lecture or the idea that my mom thinks less of me then I thought she did. I have to take LBB in to the Dr's office for a follow-up for his hand. More Dr bills and more missed time from work. However, his hand looks better and I think he will be ok. I am not sure if I ever will be though. 2008 better shape up or ELSE!
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If any of you also look at elliesam's list, my last post is about the same SCA 101 event. I am so very excited to something for SCA newcommers AND others who want to try something new! Go positive stuff!!
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To those I spoke to last night - Yea! and Thank you. I'm super excited now!
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I've come to realize that... 1. My ex: I should never have treated him the way I did in the end, but I will never regret the choice I made. It was the right one.
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I maintain this is not my fault. I maintain that it is Marwen's house. Apparently it doesn't like the idea of Baby Showers! The one I missed was supposed to be at her house too. So, point fingers at her house! Good luck and I am here if you need me!
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stressed
ecstatic
thoughtful
hopeful
confused
nauseated
grumpy
melancholy
loved
pleased
chipper
indescribable
depressed
aggravated
bouncy
anxious